A hug from the Holy Spirit

During a recent stressful situation, I got into my car and started a CD.  The CD was Revival in Belfast by Robin Mark.  It is a recording of a live concert that Mark performed a few years back.  His style is very spiritually alive, and even though it is a recording, it produces the feeling of being there, worshiping with a large crowd in the presence of the Holy Spirit.

But this post isn’t really about the music, even though it is an awesome recording.  It’s about what happened next.  Feeling closer to the presence of God, I physically felt like someone was giving me a hug.  I felt comforted, and the stress started to melt away from me.

For me, the right music, at the right moment, produces this effect.  Sometimes reading scripture or meditating in silent prayer will do the same.  The challenge comes in recognizing when I need a hug from the Holy Spirit, and consciously stopping what I’m doing for a moment of communion with the Spirit.

What produces that “hug” sensation for you?  Take time to embrace it, and be embraced.

Sabbath: to appreciate the view

Celebrating completion of a mid-term I picked up a book to read for fun at the library.  The book is Into Thin Air by Jon Krakauer, his story about climbing Mount Everest.  On the very first page, something took my brain onto a tangent that I felt compelled to share.

Krakauer starts his book describing his reaction at the summit:

Straddling the top of the world, one foot in China and the other in Nepal, I cleared the ice from my oxygen mask, hunched a shoulder against the wind, and stared absently down at the vastness of Tibet.  I understood on some dim, detached level that the sweep of earth beneath my feet was a spectacular sight.  I’d been fantasizing about this moment, and the release of emotion that would accompany it, for many months.  But now that I was finally here, actually standing on the summit of Mount Everest, I just couldn’t summon the energy to care.

Have you ever done that?  … reached the summit of some major accomplishment only to not have any energy left to appreciate it?  I’ve done that.  Not Mount Everest, but there have been things I’ve looked forward to knowing just how much I would enjoy it once I got there, only to find that I didn’t save up enough energy along the way to have the celebratory “wahoo!” at the end of the race.

The sense of accomplishment is there, but the joy is gone.

One more reason to honor the Sabbath — so that when you reach the summit, whatever that summit is, there will be energy left to appreciate the view.

Without appreciating the view … why bother going to the top?

Reclaiming the Sabbath

Over the past few months I found myself extremely drained.  It is as if something was really missing from my life, something that produces the vitality I need to keep going. I managed to plug along, getting the things done that needed done, but feeling like I was really whittling away at myself a little bit in the process.

One day, for no apparent reason, I had presence of mind to step back and take a closer look at myself.  What I saw was quite interesting.  Here I am, a seminary student, yet I find my only reading of Scripture to be that which is required for class.  Okay, I’d occasionally read a verse here and there for my own edification, but for the most part, it was all about the assignment at hand, or something that I needed to teach to a class.  It wasn’t about my relationship with God.

Oh, but it gets worse.

I looked at my calendar and realized that the number of days that would go by before I even had so much as an evening, let alone a full day, just to myself, extended well beyond a week.

Where did my Sabbath go?  In my mind I tried to build myself up as someone, or something, so tough that I didn’t need a day of rest.

News-flash #1: it’s not all about me.  Sabbath is not just about me resting.  That’s part of the story, but it’s also about calming and quieting my mind to hear the still, small voice of God so often missed in the busy-ness of my life.  It’s about me, and my relationship with my Creator.

News-flash #2: Sabbath is not one of the ten suggestions.  It is one of the ten commandments.  It ranks right up there with murder, yet I do not give a second thought to failing to honor it, in the name of “there are just too many things to be done.”

When I came to this realization, I looked at my calendar, and found a weekend afternoon that was basically free.  I decided that would be my Sabbath.  I would watch a movie, take a nap, read a book because I want to, not because I have to, and I would do all these things without feeling guilty about it.  That is usually where I have such a hard time.  Even when I have just a few hours to rest, and perhaps I’m so tired I can do nothing else, I feel guilty about being unproductive.  So all the while I am trying to rest, I find myself laden with the guilt that I am somehow being slothish, and there is something more important I should be doing.  Perhaps I have just enough energy in me to rake a few leaves, to wash a few dishes, or to explore the weird noise my car is making.  The problem this creates is a destruction of any peace I can find in my rest.

On that day I consciously decided not to feel guilty, I gained more strength than I had acquired in a long time.  Not physical strength, but a mental refreshing, a re-connection with God, and a much brighter look on the upcoming deadlines in my life.

There will always be deadlines in my life.

There should always be Sabbath in my life.

It is up to me to fulfill the commitment to both, and not to underestimate the importance of that commitment to God through rest, peace, and prayerful reflection.  I have a lot of work to do in this regard, because it is so difficult to surrender time to “unproductivity.”  The lesson I am trying to learn is that there is productivity in this time of Sabbath, and that productivity extends far beyond the moment of rest, it’s like a long term relationship.  I would never sacrifice my relationship with my family.

… why would I sacrifice my relationship with God?

Discernment, Interviews, and Ordination

It seems fitting that the day before we head into the season of Lent that I should be reflecting on my calling to ministry. On Thursday, February 23, 2012 I make my first appearance before the District Committee on Ordained Ministry, DCOM for short. I like the acronym… it makes me think of the old DEFCON levels from the movie War Games. The DEFCON level equated to higher levels of military alert and preparedness for action or military strike. In a way, DCOM is not so dissimilar. The primary stated purpose is to make sure that candidates for ministry are fit, ready, and effective for ministry in the United Methodist Church.

Personally, I find this process another opportunity to discern my calling to ministry, to raise the DEFCON level a notch, and critically look at what God is speaking to me. In that manner, it is not a worrisome process, it is an affirming process reminding me that that I am unequivocally moving in the right direction, even if it feels like my progress is slow.

At this point in my journey, I am still full-time employed in my secular career, and do not have any immediate plans to leave it. I enjoy my career, but I recognize that it is a bit of a stumbling block, because I would rather spend my time actively engaged in God’s work more directly than I can in the corporate world. (As a footnote: I do not mean to undermine the importance of being a witness of Christ’s love in any workplace, only that it is not the calling that is tugging on my heart.)

I do not know God’s time-line for my career transition, but past experiences continue to teach me that patience will always yield the answer I need, just maybe not when I would prefer to know it. Note I said the answer I need, not the answer I want – one must be flexible when dealing with orders sent from above.

Please pray for me that this may be a time of discernment, affirmation of my calling, and perhaps lead to greater clarity.

Ubiquitous Church

Seth Godin posted an interesting thought in the Domino Project Blog this week on the topic of Ubiquity that is worth reading.  The gist is that in our current technological revolution/evolution, we are moving toward paying for things as a subscription.  In other words, you don’t buy a movie, you buy a subscription to receive access to a collection of movies.

Basically: we want it all.  … and with the Internet giving us the ability to have access to everything, all the time, we expect it all … right now.

I can’t help but wonder how this will impact the Church as an institution.  How do you:

• worship on-demand?
• care for a congregation in real-time?
• create a sense of communion without being face-to-face?
• create spiritual growth opportunities that come alive with a mouse-click?  … on a cell phone?
• dare I consider sacraments?

I don’t consider any of these unreasonable, but they are paradigm disruptors to be sure.  It is an exciting time to see how faith and technology intersect.  It is also a challenging time to see how that intersection challenges our faith and our traditions.

Advent – Part 3: Peace on Earth, and machine guns for all?

Peace on earth, and machine guns for all?

When I first saw the article on NPR I was angry. A gun club in Arizona was offering pictures of your children with Santa Claus and a host of weapons. My gut reaction was that this was some sort of blasphemy to put a culture and climate of war and weaponry into what is supposed to be a season of peace and goodwill to all humankind.

To involve machine guns and Santa in a celebration in the birth of Jesus Christ is the worst kind of heresy I can imagine.

Arizona state Rep. Steve Farley

So I’m right there with Rep. Farley on this. Until… I stepped back and looked at his statement a little bit closer… Machine guns and Santa. Machine guns, definitely don’t have much to do with the birth of Jesus Christ. But… does Santa as the spokesperson for the over commercialized consumeristic side of the holiday season really have anything to do with Jesus either? Maybe my offense is misplaced. I will downgrade the concept from blasphemous to inappropriate. It’s still wrong to place an image of childhood innocence next to weapons of war.  But perhaps not an outright insult directed at God.

Had the scene for the holiday portraits involved Mary and Joseph wearing full camouflage sporting his and hers grenade launchers with baby Jesus in a flak jacket, that would probably cross the blasphemy line for me.

What does the peace of Christ look like this holiday season? Through birth, death, resurrection, and his many ministries with the poor, sick, and outcast of society, Jesus looked at taking down the barriers of society to show love to all humanity. There are many great ways this is carried out, but I just learned about one that truly goes against the machine gun toting Santa.

In Colombia, the military wanted to find a new way to turn guerrilla insurgents away from their violence. They chose to light up large trees in the jungle with Christmas lights with a message of amnesty if they would lay down their weapons and come home. The result was a significant response to their message, more than previous attempts.

The message of peace is powerful. No amount of violence can silence the victory of peace and resurrection.

Come Lord Jesus, come.

Advent – Part 2: Prepare the Way

(“Breeze Hill Winter Sunrise” by Vic Sharp on Flickr)

I usually find myself looking forward to the Christmas season starting in the hot summer months, usually sometime around July. Maybe it is in part because I don’t enjoy hot weather, and the thought of cold quiet nights sounds appealing. I think it has more to do with longing for the idyllic image of Christmas I have in my head: a time of peace, meditative reflection, and a sense of God-is-with-us.

Okay, that was July. Now fast forward to November and December. Christmas is fast upon us. The weeks of Advent seem to pass too quickly for all the shopping, baking, party going, family visiting, and so many other activities that go into our reality of Christmas. The image I had in my mind in July does not usually match up with the reality of December.

The antidote is preparation:

A voice cries out:

“In the wilderness prepare the way of the LORD…”

The words of the prophet ring out as a reminder. Though not necessarily the context in which Isaiah had in mind, the need to prepare the way for the coming of the Lord is no less urgent. We aren’t in the literal wilderness any more, but sometimes our daily lives feel like a metaphorical wilderness, removed distantly from the God we serve.

This morning I woke up very early to a still, small voice whispering beside my bed: “Daddy, I had a bad dream. There were ants in it.” My little boy crawled up in bed beside me and whispered to me the story of his bad dream and let me hold him in my arms. The clock said it was about 5:00 AM, an hour before my alarm would rudely force me out of bed. Eventually I realized I was not going to fall back to sleep, so I very gently tried to get out of bed, thinking I was being careful enough not to wake anyone else up, when I heard another whisper… “but this last dream was very funny” and a few giggles ensued.

Matthew had a great plan: eat breakfast and get dressed for school early so he would be all ready to walk out the door, then he could play without worry of being late to school.

By waking me up so early, he gave me an opportunity to enjoy the quiet of the morning, read some familiar Advent scriptures, and meditate on my own preparations for the coming of the Christmas season in my heart.  I am grateful for the opportunity, even if it was not how I planned it.

What steps are you taking to prepare the way of the Lord this Advent season?

Advent – Part 1

(“Moonlight” by ShironekoEuro on Flickr.)

I took the better part of two weeks off from my usual routine of bicycling to work.  My schedule was more chaotic than usual and the weather just was not entirely conducive to a positive cycling experience.  Last week I made an effort to get back into my usual routine.  All felt right with the world again, being back in my routine and getting some exercise in the process.

My first ride home I realized just how early the sun sets after the change from daylight savings time and this time of year.  The darkness of my surroundings accentuated the lights of cars, signs on buildings, and traffic lights.  The moon was full or close to it, creating a very unique lighting of my surroundings.  The trees overhead had lost most or all of their leaves and cast spooky shadows from the moonlight.  There was a chill in the air with a new combination of scents that seemed to say that winter is close at hand.

It was the lights that really grabbed my eyes. My mind was consistently drawn to the colors green and red, and for the first time this season I started thinking about Advent and Christmas.  The holy season snuck up on me almost unnoticed.  This sudden epiphany warmed my heart.  This particular night I worked late and the streets were very quiet allowing my thoughts to center on the meaning of this season.  A sense of peace washed over my heart as I pedaled my way home.

I find myself clinging to this peace, desperately hoping that I do not allow Christ to get lost in my heart this Christmas.

What’s next for humanity?

This spring I read a news story about the oldest person currently alive passing away at the age of 114.  My mind immediately spun into calculator mode to determine the year of his birth, and consider what changes happened during his lifetime.  He witnessed enormous advances in transportation, communication, medical sciences, and the birth of a global economy.  He grew up in an era where people primarily got around on horse or train and passed in an era where blasting into space was a routine event.

I wonder what’s next in my lifetime.  Strangely, perhaps, I wonder if the biggest changes and revolutions won’t resemble anything that has happened in the past century.  I wonder if the next truly noteworthy changes will be societal.  We are moving from a communication media that has always been a one-to-many relationship to a new paradigm of many-to-many, with interactions between the points.  See Clay Shirky’s Ted Talk for an excellent summary.

When the whole world changes the way we communicate, what barriers will come down (language, political, economic)?  How rapidly will new ideas spread, or “go viral?”

Most importantly: how will it change humanity?  I’m an optimist – I think it will reduce anonymity, when everyone’s voice can take the stage.  Reducing anonymity makes it much harder to make a decision and not see the human impact in personal terms, not some unknown impact to unknown, faceless individuals.

Putting my seminarian hat on, I wonder how it will impact our faith lives, and religion in general.  What will church look like?  Will different faith traditions start to realize they have more in common than they differ?  What changes in theology will that bring about?

It is an exciting time to be alive in an evolving culture.

Sacrificial Donut

On Matthew’s first day of kindergarten, we had a treat: donuts for breakfast.  Matthew and Mommy bought them the day before and Matthew had specifically selected the donut he wanted: a chocolate cake donut with chocolate icing.  Yummy, indeed!

When big brother Andy came downstairs, he looked in the donut box, then looked at Matthew’s donut, sat down on the kitchen floor, and began to cry.  The only donut he wanted was the one on Matthew’s plate.  No other donut in the assorted box would do.  I spent some time trying to offer alternatives for breakfast with Andy, but he could not be consoled.  I looked up and noticed Matthew staring intently at his still un-touched donut and pulled a chair up beside him.

“Aren’t you going to eat your donut?”  His head shook to indicate no.

“Isn’t this the donut you want?”  He nodded yes.

“Do you want to give your donut to your brother?”  He nodded yes, but whispered he didn’t want to tell Andy, he wanted me to.  It looked like his eyes were starting to well up with tears.

When I shared the news with Andy, the crying immediately stopped, and a smile came across his face.  With a hint of disbelief he asked, “Really?”  Matthew started to smile and he nodded yes to his brother.

Have you ever been a little hesitant to give something up for someone else, only to find an intense joy when you do it?  Generosity is a miracle, for the giver and the receiver.